HEY! YOU’RE HOME!
YOU’RE HOME … EARLY.
LOOK, DON’T GO ON THE DECK FOR A MINUTE, OKAY? I NEED TO DO SOME CLEANING.
I HAD A PARTY. I’M NOT GOING TO LIE TO YOU.
LET’S JUST SAY IT LOOKS LIKE AN ARMY OF BEER BOTTLES DEFEATED AN ARMY OF PANTIES, AND THERE WERE SUBSTANTIAL LOSSES ON BOTH SIDES.
JUST SET YOUR BAGS DOWN. I’LL GO GET A BROOM.
“He’s never coming back, and it’s all my fault! DON’T TOUCH ME DIANE!! I AM IN PAIN! Ughhhh, I want to die. Why did I say all that stuff about liking food and how much I hate my roomate? YES, DIANE - I TOLD HIM ABOUT YOU. GET AWAY FROM ME! I DON’T WANT YOUR FUCKING BROWNIES! JUST LET ME CRY!!!
I may as well just give up and become a crazy cat cat.”
Photo by Jolie Ruben
“Ok, listen, Donald. I need to know right now if you think I am pretty and want to go on a second date with me because if you don’t I’m going to kill myself. It’s no big deal, I’ll be fine - I’ll just be dead with my fucking wrists slit open in a bathtub. Honestly, I am pretty close to just going ahead and jumping out the window right now either way. I mean, don’t you wish we could just jump right into being a relationship, and skip all this dating stuff? Oh! Also, don’t you wish dolls could talk, but only in a really whispery sing-song voice? And that we could eat claws and fingernails like candy? Donald? Don’t you wish??”
Photo by Jeanette Whitehead
I just want someone to make me heart shaped waffles in the morning.
and bacon
(Source: arentyougorgeous, via mscocodandridge)
